If you run over a fire hydrant, you ruin my day

My weekend was pretty ridiculous.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I work in the food service industry. I’m the assistant manager of a sandwich place. It can be a lot crazier than you’d think.

Anyway, I was filling in for my boss this Saturday. No big deal, opening the store can be kind of tricky but I’ve been doing it for a while so it should be fine. My morning started out chaotic and hectic since we’d been busy the day before and I had tons of prep to do. So I was basically running around like a madwoman busting my ass all morning. 

Things had finally calmed down when the people at the restaurant next door came over and asked how my water pressure was.

Now why in the world would they ask that, you might be wondering.

Well, they were having shitty water pressure and their toilets were backed up and they were closing because of it. We were okay for the moment so I didn’t think much of it. They came back over 10 minutes later and told me that someone had run over a fire hydrant and it was messing with the water supply.

Excuse me?

How do you run over a fire hydrant? 

Anyways. After that I noticed that a pipe in my back room was leaking excessive amounts of water everywhere. Something was clearly wrong. I called my area manager and thought to myself, “Hmm. I have to go to the bathroom. I better pee before something happens to our toilets because it’s probably only a matter of time.”

I thought I was being so clever. I had just drank an entire Arnold Palmer over the course of the last hour so things were getting pretty dire. I ran to the bathrooms. The women’s bathroom was locked. Whatever, I’ll use the men’s, it’s the same exact thing. 

To my horror, some terrible person had taken a massive dump and clogged the toilet, because there wasn’t enough water in the tank to flush it down. Okay, men’s toilet is no longer an option.

I leave, thinking that I’ll try the women’s as soon as it’s vacant. A little girl comes out, screaming, “MOMMY, MY POOP WON’T FLUSH!” Oh. So that toilet’s out, too. Looks like I’m fucked.

Long story short, we closed for a bit and I had to hold my pee for almost two hours and I thought I was going to die. Props to the special snowflake who ran over a fire hydrant SIX MILES AWAY FROM MY STORE that fucked my day up. You win, sir or madam. You. Win.


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