This year has been tumultuous, to say the least. Two deaths in my family, returning to school, the announcement and sort-of planning of two weddings for next year, family arguments and drama, along with the stressors of every day life. It’s been a wild, crazy, heartbreaking, joyous, exhausting year. And we’ve still got another quarter of it to go! I feel as if I’ve aged more than a year, and as my 25th birthday approaches I’ve been doing some soul searching.
It could be because I only blog late at night when I should be sleeping, when the world around me is quiet and the only thing I can hear is the hum of my fan. It’s the only time I really take a few minutes to myself, where my brain isn’t occupied with school assignments, family and friends ‘obligations’ and work-related worries. My brain isn’t rattling around in my head. My heart isn’t racing from stress and worries. I’m just…me. These moments so rarely happen. I’m sorry if that sounds pretentious, but it’s true. There’s so often other things occupying my thoughts that when there isn’t, I use that time to do some reflection.
So much has changed me this year, this never-ending year of angst, grief, drama, and excitement. I’ve never experienced more emotions in such a quickly passing slide. I know I’m different. People say all the time that other people change, and I suppose I’ve changed quite a bit, but this is the first time I can really say that I know I’ve changed. I try really hard to keep things in perspective. I take deep breaths. I let go of what I can’t change, or at least I do my best not to dwell on it. The goings-on of other people don’t bother me as much. I can’t change what other people think-about me, about my family/friends, about anything-so therefore, I shouldn’t waste my short, precious moments worrying about it. I’ve learned to put a lot more faith in God this year. If that’s not your thing, that’s fine. But it’s helped me a lot, knowing that God’s got a plan for me.
I don’t know. As a great philosopher once said, it is what it is…