It’s hard not to be jealous by those in social media land who are talking about how wonderful their 2015 was. It’s petty, but the green-eyed monster in me is grumpy because my year…well, it was one of the hardest years of my life, and I wish it had gone so very differently in many aspects. I hesitate to use the word “worst” to describe this year, though, because there was some good in there, and some things that I wouldn’t change. I’m very conflicted and not full of much eloquence, as you can tell.
This year, I lost the first person I didn’t know how to live without, and someone I talked to every day. My aunt left this world in March, and a day later my other aunt followed, leaving my family and I to muddle through this year in a fog of grief and heartache. I miss both of them terribly, but every day I try to focus on being grateful for the time I had and taking comfort in knowing how loved I was by them. It’s not enough, but that’s life. I watched my family implode on a molecular level, if that makes sense, through bitter, petty fights. The whole world experienced tragedy through senseless violence and killings. There was drama and strife in a few areas of my life, both personal and professional, that often left me tearing my hair out in stress and irritation. (and who could forget that I had to hear about Star Wars every damn day.)
But…both my aunts are no longer suffering. I learned how to be strong in the face of an obstacle that I never imagined I could. I learned that I can keep going and realized that I have an inner strength that came from…I have no idea where?! I learned to embrace the beautiful people around me who care about me and love me, from family, friends, and coworkers. I took this crazy, headfirst plunge into graduate school and found a field of study that I believe in, am passionate about, and understand. I discovered that my future didn’t end just because speech/language pathology wasn’t for me. I watched my nephew celebrate his first birthday. I saw two of my best friends get engaged, and was asked to be a bridesmaid and a maid of honor. I saw a good friend welcome a beautiful baby girl into the world. I saw countless amazing movies and read quite a few amazing books. I received an awesome award from the people I work for and celebrated my hard work and dedication.
So good things did happen this year, in the wake of overwhelming odds that I thought would get the best of me. I’m thankful for this year, and for the good things it’s brought me…but I’m so happy for that calendar flip. Cheers!