As I sit here on a Friday night at 9:26pm, my eyes are aching. My head is pulsing with the headache that nags at me when I begin to enter that over-tired state. I can barely see in front of me because I’ve been sitting in front of this computer screen doing homework since I got home from work 4.5 hours ago, and because of my fatigue I have little to show for it. I am exhausted-both physically and mentally- and my week still is not over yet. I have one more day of work to go tomorrow and then two days off, which will be filled with even more homework because it’s finals week coming up in my world of 8-week long grad classes.
I should just go to bed. Everything takes so much longer when I’m this exhausted, and I’ve had a really long week. I deserve to try to get some sleep instead of pushing my body and mind to the breaking point. My brain is a fragile thing in and of itself, and taxing it isn’t a good idea.
But…I’m not going to quit just yet.
I might stop in the next five minutes, after I finish this thought. But I won’t quit right now. Call it “glamorizing exhaustion” or whatever new-age thing you want to call it, but I’m not giving up right at this moment. I won’t give up on this paper, these classes, my mess of a life, or my stressful job. I’m not going to use excuses to get in my way of pushing forward. Even though by tomorrow I’ll have worked 7 ten hour days in a row, my alarm goes off at 5am, I take meds that severely fuck up my memory and cognitive skills, and I’m behind on at least 3 assignments, I won’t just say “fuck it” and go to bed right now.
Call me a pretentious white chick all you want, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel tonight.
Though by 9:45, all bets are off.