the same darkened room

In many ways, tonight I find myself in the same situation as I have found myself at many points in my life. I’m alone in my silent, dark living room. The only light comes from my computer screen and the Himalayan salt lamp that I never turn off (in the vain hopes that the box will be right, that it really will purify the air around me and reduce my stress and anxiety levels-thus far, it hasn’t). Like so many times before, I have what seems to be an impossible task in front of me-this time, it’s another paper. I have to finish it tonight and submit it to the writing center tomorrow for editing, so I can have time to make the necessary changes before I submit it to my instructor. Same song and dance as usual.

But I’m tired, y’all. Like, the kind of tired where you envy Sleeping Beauty because the bitch didn’t have to even wake up to go to the bathroom. I would give just about anything, including a couple of the less-important limbs, to have a week to just lay in bed and stare at the wall. In fact, for the first few weeks of this semester, I did spend an awful lot of time outside of work staring at my bedroom walls, giving in to a depressive fog that hadn’t been that deep in a while. I don’t know, it just all got to be a bit too much for a moment.

But…this is also it. Five papers (including this one) and one presentation separate me from a master’s degree. It’s hard to believe that this journey is almost complete, and I really have no plans for college beyond this. I always knew when I graduated with my Bachelor’s that I wanted to go back, but here it is. I can practically see the finish line if I squint hard enough.

So…I guess I’ll keep going tonight. And for the next few months. I’ll stay in this dark room until I finish. I have no more eloquent words, because I’m saving them for my paper.

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